A friend called me the other day concerned about whether or not she was overreacting to a problem she was having with her boyfriend. They were supposed to be meeting up, and when she got to the agreed location, he already moved on to a different location…without telling her…and expected her to just meet him at the new location. Understandably, my friend was quite upset. She felt that because he was aware of the personal and financial strains already present, the extra stress of him aggravating her and causing her to waste gas was completely inconsiderate and worth a fight, especially since this could have been avoided with a two minute phone call.
Small situations like these often turn into bigger ones because people’s communication skills are seriously lacking nowadays. I haven’t been able to wrap my head around the communication struggle in our generation. Scared to ask for what we want, and too petty for confrontation. I just don’t get it. The absence of communication in relationships nowadays is unfathomable. Communication is the most important factor in any relationship whether it’s romantic, platonic, or professional, so why are we insufficiently executing the action? I think it’s because people are afraid. People are afraid to be real and ask for what they want because they don’t want to seem like a nag, pervert, or whatever other negative adjective they’ve concocted to push their desires aside
It’s not hard people, honesty is the best policy. So be honest about what you want, and more importantly, what you need. If you are in a romantic relationship and you can’t ask your partner anything that pops into your head, why are you with them? I’m not saying they have to say yes, but damn, you can’t ask?
I used to intern at a psychology office that concentrated on family and marriage. One day a lady came in explaining that she loved her husband dearly, but sexually, the spark was gone. She didn’t want a divorce because she still wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, she just needed sex from an outside source. She had tried everything to rekindle the spark in the bedroom- implementing toys, doing role play, vocalizing how she wanted to be pleased. The counselor suggested she bring her husband in and explain all this to him. The couple ended up agreeing to a poly-amorous relationship.
See, it is possible to be sexually satisfied outside the relationship without cheating, because of what, ladies and gentleman? COMMUNICATION! It takes little to no effort to keep it real with your significant other, or anyone for that matter. Minor things that could have easily been handled snowball when the line of communication is not there. I’ve seen friendships fall apart because one person developed emotions based on something they’ve drawn up in their head and ended the relationship without talking about it just to avoid confrontation. I guess I would never understand the logic of not opening your mouth up to speak when deemed necessary.
No one ever believes me when I say I’m naturally shy because I am always talking in class, or to strangers, but I’ve learned being shy gets you nowhere. It’s just not rational. Recent conversations led me to understand this is due to how I grew up and other environmental factors. It just never made sense to me not to say how I felt. I’ve always understood life, people, and situations were never promised, so I had to take full advantage of every opportunity I could. Including saying WTF was on my mind. If I have a problem with you, there is no second guessing. How I feel on certain subjects is very apparent. If I don’t know something I will ask for clarification, if I admire someone I will give recognition. I think this idealism is how I was able to build such strong personal and business relationships. It costs $0.00 to keep it real people! Bottom line, closed mouths don’t get fed. Speak TF up! Let your wants, needs, and aspirations be known.